I am so sick of coming across Internet articles titled “How to be a better mom” or “Seven things you’re doing wrong as a parent“, although not enough to stop using Pinterest apparently. Every parent I know beats themselves up on the daily about one thing or another. Why can’t my kid locate his nose when asked? Did I ruin his chances of getting into college by letting him watch eight episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba in a row this morning? Is she too tall, short, overweight, underweight, normal? I’m sick of it. Listen parents, your kids are awesome. And that is a direct reflection of how awesome you are so stop questioning what you could be doing better and start celebrating every thing you’re doing right!
To get you started, here’s a list of things that indicate you’re doing a kick-ass job as a parent. If you can check off, like, half of these then you’re nailing this parenthood stuff.
- Is your kid alive when you get him up in the morning and still alive when you put him to bed? Success! You are responsible for another human life, maybe even more than one. That is no small feat. Don’t diminish how hard that task can be.
- Did you nurse and/or bottle feed your little one? Woot! Woot! Whether from the boob or from a package, who gives a shit. You got your kid fed and that’s what’s important. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
- Have you changed a diaper? Gross but good for you! Someone has to do it and you can only pawn it off on your partner/parents/in-laws/friends/neighbours so many times before it eventually falls to you.
- Have you given your kid a bath? Give yourself a hand! This one takes some solid effort on your part so well done for rubbing off the dirt and snot and poop even when your squirmy, slippery little person is fighting you every step of the way.
- When you leave the house, is your child usually wearing pants? Bravo! It’s not a requirement per say but society tends to frown on nudity. I don’t get it either.
- Have you hugged and/or kissed your kid? Kudos! When they’re covered with boogers and drool and smell like a barn, it’s not always that appealing.
- Have you told your kid you love them? Way to go! They don’t always respond and sometimes when they do, they can be little assholes and that’s humbling. No one likes rejection.
- Have you seen your kid smile or laugh? Super! You’ve exposed them to a source of happiness.
- Were you the reason your kid smiled or laughed? Bonus points! You must be doing something right.
- Has your kid got a good whiff of fresh air? Excellent! Extra points if it was in the dead of winter.
- Has your kid ever fallen down because you weren’t paying attention? Pat yourself on the back! You’ve taught them the importance of safety but also the joy of curiosity.
- Have you let your kid watch TV so that you could go into the other room and take a deep breath before losing your sanity? Awesome! You recognized when you reached your limit and permitted yourself the time you needed to calm down before doing something you regret.
- Have you had a bad day and wondered if you can do this anymore? Welcome to the club! We all have. It means you care enough about your family to worry if you’re treating them right.
I love the Internet and it certainly has some valuable resources. But it’s also full of shit. I’m not suggesting we can’t improve. Of course we can. Nobody’s perfect and frankly, who the hell would want to be? It sounds boring. I’m suggesting that we don’t have to try harder or be better every single day. It’s a waste of brain-power to worry and it takes away from valuable time spent with our families. So stop reading all those articles that make you feel worse about yourself and confirm every ounce of self-doubt you’ve ever had. Just stop it! You’re killing this parenthood business! And if you think someone else is doing a better job than you are, give your head a shake. They’re either faking it, lying about it, or have a secret nanny living in their basement.Tags: job well done, kudos, Parenthood, satire